sections

36 Things You’ll Only Understand If You’re From South-East Essex


Anywhere near Basildon, Southend, or Thurrock? You’ll know what I’m talking about.

1. With all the hassle that comes with being from Essex, saying you’re from London is just so much easier.

36 Things You'll Only Understand If You're From South-East Essex

View this image ›

Fox Searchlight Pictures / Via gph.is

2. Girls want to work as a Beautician, a PA or a Model*.

Girls want to work as a Beautician, a PA or a Model*.

View this image ›

Via xanadu-agency.co.uk

*One becomes a ‘Model’ by employing someone to take photos of them pouting whilst laying down, wearing a baggy top and shimmery eyeshadow.

3. Boys want to work as an Estate Agent, a Banker or fulltime LAD.

36 Things You'll Only Understand If You're From South-East Essex

View this image ›

Universal Pictures / Via gph.is

4. Essex may well have the world’s biggest secret reserve of diamantes.

Essex may well have the world’s biggest secret reserve of diamantes.

View this image ›

Via i.ebayimg.com

5. We’re also not great at dealing with secrets.

We're also not great at dealing with secrets.

View this image ›

Via db3.stb.s-msn.com

6. Except for Southend Airport, because it’s so good.

36 Things You'll Only Understand If You're From South-East Essex

View this image ›

youtube.com / Via gph.is

7. There is no ice-cream better than a Rossi’s. Even in Italy.

There is no ice-cream better than a Rossi's. Even in Italy.

View this image ›

Via ilovemealplans.com

8. Someone you know has this tattoo.

Or a WHU Badge, a bulldog, or a dolphin.

Someone you know has this tattoo.

View this image ›

Via cache.esskateboarding.com

9. The Fast and the Furious is nothing compared to Southend Sea Front on a Saturday Night.

And if you ain’t got a dump valve, you ain’t invited.

36 Things You'll Only Understand If You're From South-East Essex

View this image ›

Via gph.is

10. The New Orleans desperately needs to be brought back.

The New Orleans desperately needs to be brought back.

View this image ›

Via wheresbest.co.uk

11. If a C2C train is more than 1 minute late, one must hurl abuse at their Twitter.

Then you work from home anyway because you’ve got a ‘legitimate reason’.

If a C2C train is more than 1 minute late, one must hurl abuse at their Twitter.

View this image ›

Via twitter.com

12. Canvey Island has apparently been sinking forever.

36 Things You'll Only Understand If You're From South-East Essex

View this image ›

Bunim/Murray & 20th Century Fox Television / Via gph.is

13. Unfortunately, we know a lot of Essex jokes are true.

36 Things You'll Only Understand If You're From South-East Essex

View this image ›

Lime Pictures (ITV2) / Via gph.is

14. “What’s that over the river Mum?”…”That little one, is the faraway kingdom of Bluewater with it’s labyrinthian floorplan and expensive shops. We must never go there.”

“What’s that over the river Mum?”…”That little one, is the faraway kingdom of Bluewater with it’s labyrinthian floorplan and expensive shops. We must never go there.”

View this image ›

Via i.telegraph.co.uk

15. The sun’s out?! All residents must board the C2C and form a half-naked queue into Leigh-On-Sea immediately.

36 Things You'll Only Understand If You're From South-East Essex

View this image ›

Gracie Films & 20th Century Fox Television / Via gph.is

16. Summer uniform rules are very stringent. Failure to adhere will result in being lame.

Snapback, Aviators, Tan, Tight Polo T-Shirt, Tailored Pastel Shorts, Shiny Legs, No Socks, Boxfresh Shoes, and a Lager. Do not under any circumstances leave the house without your tiny manbag.

Summer uniform rules are very stringent. Failure to adhere will result in being lame.

View this image ›

Via i.dailymail.co.uk

17. Summer uniform for girls is also fairly strict.

36 Things You'll Only Understand If You're From South-East Essex

View this image ›

Bunim/Murray Productions & The Weinstein Company Television / Via gph.is

18. Once a year loads of farmers from the weird parts of Essex put on the Orsett Show and horses dance.

36 Things You'll Only Understand If You're From South-East Essex

View this image ›

youtube.com / Via tumblr.com

19. No. Adventure Island is Peter Pan’s. Thanks.

No. Adventure Island is Peter Pan's. Thanks.

View this image ›

Via southendtimeline.com

20. When the mods on scooters drive in to Southend it sounds like a swarm of hoovers – and it’s actually really cool.

36 Things You'll Only Understand If You're From South-East Essex

View this image ›

De Laurentiis Entertainment Group / Via giphy.com

21. We actually don’t know what’s past Chelmsford. Surely it’s not still Essex?

36 Things You'll Only Understand If You're From South-East Essex

View this image ›

Telepictures Productions / Via gph.is

22. Bas Vegas is where souls go to die.

Bas Vegas is where souls go to die.

View this image ›

Via blogger.com

23. Most are lost to Liquid and Envy.

Most are lost to Liquid and Envy.

View this image ›

Via thetangential.com

But some are saved by the Reverend and his SOS bus.

24. Older souls are lost to Chicagos.

36 Things You'll Only Understand If You're From South-East Essex

View this image ›

youtube.com (LucasFilm) / Via giphy.com

25. Hungry souls are lost to the Aroma Chinese buffet.

36 Things You'll Only Understand If You're From South-East Essex

View this image ›

The Jim Henson Company / Via giphy.com

26. Everyone has warm memories of Orsett Hall. Weddings, Proms… and the BLAZING INFERNO.

Everyone has warm memories of Orsett Hall. Weddings, Proms... and the BLAZING INFERNO.

View this image ›

Via bbc.co.uk

27. Go to the Brush. Mix a Snakebite, a Rodney and a Weedkiller. Dance to Indie. Fall down. Daryl’s Kebabs.

36 Things You'll Only Understand If You're From South-East Essex

View this image ›

20th Century Fox / Via giphy.com

28. No-one is yet over the loss of Action Stations.

36 Things You'll Only Understand If You're From South-East Essex

View this image ›

MTV / Via giphy.com

The place of childhood dreams.

29. Where are the cooling-down coke cans now?

Where are the cooling-down coke cans now?

View this image ›

Via Flickr: version-3-point-1

30. Driving around/over Sadler’s Farm Roundabout is pure panic. Even after it had an Olympic makeover.

36 Things You'll Only Understand If You're From South-East Essex

View this image ›

Paramount Pictures / Via gph.is

31. If you can hold your breath through the Dartford Tunnel the whole way, you feel like superman.

36 Things You'll Only Understand If You're From South-East Essex

View this image ›

20th Century Fox / Via giphy.com

32. Wat Tyler Park’s amazing mini-train.

Wat Tyler Park's amazing mini-train.

View this image ›

Via simplonpc.co.uk

33. “We ‘ad a propa sick sesh bombin’ it daan the A13 . Yeh I am bare buzzin’ bruv, fort it was gonna be bleak. I dun’arf wanna get gattered though innit…. You out t’night fella? Let’s get ON IT. Nice one bruv, bell me later.”

36 Things You'll Only Understand If You're From South-East Essex

View this image ›

Disney / Via gph.is

34. Everyone is known by their surnames.

Smithy, Stanton, Fletcher, Wrighty, Cooky, Coxy, Reedo and the one called Chunk, but no one can remember why?

Everyone is known by their surnames.

View this image ›

Via sydneysiderblog.com

35. You’re always only 2 mutual friends or less away from a member of TOWIE.

Yay.

You’re always only 2 mutual friends or less away from a member of TOWIE.

View this image ›

Via facebook.com

36. On the upside, we’ll always have Dame Helen Mirren.

36 Things You'll Only Understand If You're From South-East Essex

View this image ›

Summit Entertainment / Via giphy.com

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/lucyj5/36-things-youll-only-get-if-youre-from-south-eas-bami


Like it? Share with your friends!

0
, 0 points

What's Your Reaction?

hate hate
0
hate
confused confused
0
confused
fail fail
0
fail
fun fun
0
fun
geeky geeky
0
geeky
love love
0
love
lol lol
0
lol
omg omg
0
omg
win win
0
win

36 Things You’ll Only Understand If You’re From South-East Essex

log in

reset password

Back to
log in
Choose A Format
Personality quiz
Trivia quiz
Poll
Story
List
Open List
Ranked List
Meme
Video
Audio
Image